It’s almost Valentine’s Day, and if you are anything like me, that first Valentine’s Day hit hard after my placement.

Even though Valentine’s Day is a day of love and mostly geared toward couples, my first “love” was my child I had recently placed, and she wasn’t in my arms. I remember going a little overboard with gifts, wanting to shower my daughter with love, even though I couldn’t run home and see her in person. That part hurt.

There’s a sacrifice in adoption, and no matter how you spin it, it hurts. But the sacrifice in anything truly worthy is worthwhile. It’s perspective.

In adoption, there was a love I was able to touch that I didn’t even know existed. There are different types of love: romance, friendship, the love for your grandmother, the love for your dog, and then there’s something different than the rest: the love for your child. That kind of love comes with a lot of sacrifice, as true love often does.

I’m parenting children now, and there are sacrifices I make daily. So, the sacrifices in adoption aren’t uncommon, just different.

Adoption reminds me that love is not always easy, but it is powerful and real.

Sometimes love looks like making a choice for your child that hurts you but helps them.
Sometimes it looks like choosing stability and safety, even if it costs you something.
Sometimes it looks like choosing openness, honesty, and a reality check you want to avoid, but can’t.
Sometimes it means sitting in grief while also feeling an abundance of love at the same time, knowing both can exist.

If you are considering adoption or have already chosen it and this month hurts, I get it.

But know this:

You are not selfish for considering your options.
You are not weak for feeling the pain of that choice this month.
You are not alone in how you are feeling.
You are not crazy for wanting relief and feeling uncertain about the future.

This Valentine’s Day, there are some things you can do to bring a little relief:

Write your adopted child a letter, even if you never send it.
Write yourself a letter of strength and gratitude, something you can return to when you need it.
Light some candles and watch your favorite show.
Journal your thoughts with a cup of tea.
Get together with a few friends and enjoy a meal together.

As you walk down the pink aisles this month, remember that love isn’t defined by those aisles, by how many flowers you receive, or by social media feeds filled with hearts. Love is measured by intention.

And adoption is intentional.

Contact a birth mom if you want to chat. <3

Adoption Professionals

Call or text 513-478-2229