When someone close to you makes an adoption plan, it can be hard to know what to say or how to show up. A birth mom’s journey is filled with love, sacrifice, and sometimes deep grief. Friends and family often want to help, but they aren’t sure how. The truth is, support doesn’t have to be complicated; it just has to be genuine.
Here are some meaningful ways you can stand beside a birth:
She needs emotional & verbal support
Listen without judgment. Sometimes the best gift is simply being present. Let her talk about her feelings openly, even if they’re messy. Avoid giving quick fixes or saying you completely understand; just being there matters.
Validate her decision. Adoption is a decision made out of love for her child. Remind her of the courage it takes to make that choice, and affirm the compassion behind it.
Choose thoughtful words. Instead of clichés, use language that uplifts: “You are loved.” “Your decision came from compassion.” “I admire your strength.”
Acknowledge the loss. Adoption is not just about hope; it also involves grief. Recognizing that she may feel this loss long after placement shows respect for her journey.
Stay connected. A simple check-in text, a phone call, or even remembering important dates can help her feel seen and valued.
She needs practical & tangible support
Offer post-birth help. Meals, flowers at the hospital, childcare, or errands, small acts of service can ease her recovery.
Celebrate her. Consider organizing a “birth mom shower”, not as a replacement for a baby shower, but as a way to celebrate her courage and surround her with support.
Point her to resources. Adoption-specific counselors, support groups, and retreats can be lifelines. Sometimes, just sending her a link or walking with her to a group can make a difference.
She needs ongoing support after placement
Don’t disappear. Birth moms often feel forgotten after placement. Continue checking in long after the adoption is finalized.
Share in her updates. If it’s an open adoption, pictures, letters, or small updates show her that her role is valued and honored.
Support her healing. Healing isn’t about “getting over it.” The grief may soften, but it doesn’t vanish. Remind her that it’s okay to take time and that you’ll be there for the long haul.
Supporting a birth mom is about presence, compassion, and consistency. It’s not about having the perfect words, but about reminding her she is not alone. Sometimes your support can be as simple as your presence, and this is so meaningful alone. Adoption is a lifelong journey, and your care can make all the difference.
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