For many adoptive families, the holiday season is a time overflowing with joy, gratitude, new traditions, and precious memories. But for many birth moms, this same season can carry a mix of emotions like pride, love, grief, hope, and sometimes a deep longing. Even in the most beautiful open adoptions, December can be tender and difficult.
When adoptive families thoughtfully honor a birth mother during the holidays, it makes a powerful difference for all parties involved.
Here are meaningful, respectful, and compassionate ways adoptive families can be considerate of birth moms this season.
- Acknowledge That the Holidays Can Be Emotional
Adoption is not a “one-day decision”. It’s a lifelong story with many emotions and difficulties that pop up periodically. Birth moms often feel their emotions more intensely during the holidays because they’re filled with family traditions, memories, and milestones.
A simple message like: “Thinking of you this season and grateful for the role you play in our family” can bring comfort, validation, and reassurance.
- Send a Thoughtful Holiday Update
Whether your relationship is very open or more limited, a holiday update is almost always appreciated.
Ideas include:
- A heartfelt handwritten card
- A favorite photo from the year
- A short video of the child saying something festive
- A digital photo album recap
- Consider a Small Gift (Meaningful, Not Expensive)
Birth moms do not need big gifts. Instead, choose something thoughtful or symbolic:
- A framed picture from the year
- A simple ornament representing a special memory or milestone
- A scented candle, journal, or personalized stationery
- A “first Christmas as __ years old” photo
- Share Holiday Traditions You’ve Started
Many birth mothers love seeing the life their child is a part of, especially the traditions they’ll grow up remembering.
You could share:
- Photos of decorating the tree
- A picture with Santa
- A snapshot of cookie-baking day
- A video of a holiday play or school event
- Invite Her Into the Season (If Appropriate)
Every adoption relationship is different. Some birth moms love being included in:
- A holiday craft day
- Exchanging letters or gifts
- A short visit
- A quick FaceTime call
- Sharing favorite holiday foods
- Speak Kindly of Her in Your Home
Children benefit immensely from hearing their birth parents spoken of with love and respect, especially around the holidays when family stories and traditions are emphasized.
Say things like:
- “Your birth mom loves you so much.”
- “We’re grateful for the gift she gave our family.”
- “She’s an important part of your story.”
- Remember That Consideration Today Shapes the Future
Holiday kindness isn’t just about December 25th — it impacts the entire adoption journey.
When adoptive families are thoughtful during emotionally tender seasons:
- Trust deepens
- Communication is healthier
- Children grow up feeling secure
- Birth moms feel honored and seen
Family isn’t limited by biology.
It’s expanded by love, connection, and grace.
And for birth moms, being remembered — even in small ways — can turn a hard season into a healing one.